If Your Cage Smells of Ramen
by LilBlue-Hedggie
Summary: One Shot. When Naruto won't stop his ramen habits Kyuubi is forced to use drastic measures... Hints of SasuNaru Mentions of MPreg


LBH: I'm back with another one shot /Readers, if any, glare/ …So I haven't exactly finished my other story but it only has a few more chapters left to and this only a one shot! Don't hurt me!

**DISCLAIMER: How many times must I tell you fools that I own nothing/Beats back law officials/ CALL THEM OFF, I SAY! **

**WARNING: Hints of SasuNaru! Mentions of M-Preg! If you dislike this then go back right this instant!**

_Inspirational Naruto Song of the Day: _**Pinocho **By Ore Ska Band -14th Naruto Ending (One of the weirdest Naruto endings in my opinion. Dancing Naruto's….)

* * *

**  
**

If Your Cage Spells of Ramen…

One-Shot

Key:

"**Bold" **Kyuubi

Because we all know he's full of himself and has to have a big booming voice to help his poor ego.

* * *

**  
**

When the Kyuubi no Kitsune first awakened from his sealed slumber he did not expect something glamorous. After all, he was sealed in a _human_ and that alone lead him to believe his situation would be bleak.

But this…

This was what he liked to call over-kill.

His first impression of his new "apartment" was not a good one. Who would enjoy being sealed in an incredibly small cage, that was submerged in water no less, and the surrounded walls were covered in leaking pipes. And one the worst things was that _damn_ seal. It was always taunting him, for Inari's sake it was a flimsy piece of paper stuck to his cage bars! Try as he might the destroy the blasted thing, it held it's ground while giving him high voltage shocks whenever he came too close.

This was not the last of his worries though, as he soon discovered.

Apparently his host was on a mission at the time, something about a bridge builder and a really girly man…

But that was beside the point; his host apparently had been separated from his favorite food while away on said mission.

Apparently there were a lot of apparent things in his host's life.

Beings in one's stomach couldn't be too bad, after all. He never actually saw the food, and who would want to? By the time it reached him it was digested beyond recognition and was truly a very nasty sight, but as I said he'd never actually seen it, he just knew a great deal of a human's inner organs. He didn't spend centuries ripping them apart for nothing!

Getting back on track though, as he stated multiple times he couldn't see the food but he could _smell_ it perfectly well. And the woman's cooking didn't smell too bad for human food, although he preferred a nice, extremely rare, in fact not cooked at all, piece of meat himself.

But once his host had returned to Konohagakure… The flow of ramen came through, constantly. The boy didn't eat anything else!

It was nice at first, he'd sampled ramen once before on one of his trips to a human village in a humanoid form, this was before he decided it was more fun stepping on the said villages and setting them aflame than sampling their cuisine.

So it wasn't too bad…

But he never smelled anything new! It was just ramen, ramen, ramen, and all the time. Sure the boy would eat different flavors, and he happened to know that his host ate miso ramen about 48.56 percent of the time, but it wasn't the same.

Eventually his host ate so much that the horrid smell _sank_ itself into the bars of his cage, so even when he wasn't even ramen he could still smell it.

It was a wonder the boy didn't die from salt overdose or something like that…

Try as he might he couldn't avoid it! Covering his muzzle with his paws was useless; he'd even tried sticking his claws up his nostrils. And knocking himself out against the wall towards the back of his cage didn't work either; all he dreamt about was ramen because of the horrid smell.

It was from this point on that he swore on his name that if he ever escaped this hellish cage he would _kill_ the boy, and in the most painful possible way. Maybe even honor him a bit and shred him up into noodles. He'd heard human noodles could be quite the delicacy. But he might get heartburn if he ate the little monkey thing, the boy would taste of ramen! Absolutely disgusting

Then his moment came. The ramen issue had never come up before in their previous meetings but this time the boy was merely dreaming and had found himself here. It was time for a talk…

His human strolled down pathway to his cage with a rather happy grin adorned on his face. If he recalled the boy was twenty now and the current Hokage's most trusted ANBU Captain along with that Uchiha boy that his host had finally dragged back after managing to kill his brother.

And he was pleased the say his host looked a great deal better than when he was a kit. Come to think of it he would have to stop calling him boy as well. But he was still a kittling his demon standards. Anyway, his hair wasn't as clumped together as it was before and fanned across his forehead in soft elegant locks that also framed his face, which had finally narrowed out after years of training. His eyes were still that beautiful sky color but they were a nice almond sort of shape rather than the large innocent ones they used to be. His lips, Kyuubi snickered at the thought of them, looked soft which probably dismayed his human very much. He knew his host would've liked to have a strong masculine shaped face but he got left with a soft looking feminine one.

He'd finally managed to grow in height some, but the constant flow of ramen probably stunted his growth some and he was just below average height. His body was as any skilled shinobi's should be, slender with just the right amount of muscle.

And the best part was the clothes.

He'd _finally_ gotten rid of that eyesore of an orange jumpsuit! Not that he disliked orange, it was a very foxy color and he had an orange tint to his fur himself, but it was such a vibrant shade of the color that it made your eyes want to burn in agony.

He happened to be in casual clothes at the time. He was currently donned in a white short-sleeved Chinese style shirt with black trimmings, not too unlike the one that weapon's mistress used to wear; he wore a fitted pair of black pants that only reached until the knees. On his hands he wore a pair of black fingerless gloves and his feet were in the usual shinobi sandals. (1) Around his neck was the necklace given to him by that Tsunade woman. He didn't appear the have any shinobi gear on him but he wouldn't be surprised if he had a few sharp pointy objects hidden in there.

"**To what do I owe this **_**pleasure**_** of seeing you here kit? It must be important if you had to visit ME the Great and Powerful Kyuubi no Kitsune, the-"**

"Greatest Demon to ever roam the lands, you say that every time fox."

"**I'm only stating a truth you foolish human, show some respect to your elders." **

"If that was true, EVERYONE would have to show you respect, what are you? Millions of years old or something?"

Before Kyuubi could reply Naruto turned around to leave but was stopped by Kyuubi's booming voice.

"**Hold on there a minute kit. We need to talk about a certain **_**problem**_** that has been plaguing us for some time." **

"And what would that be your Royal Hairy-ness?"

"**It's the ramen."**

Naruto froze and his face turned impassive. "What _about_ the ramen?"

"**It has got to go! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! All you eat is that slop and quite frankly it smells! Not to mention your rather short stature because of it! You want to be Hokage, right? And to do that you must be a good shinobi and you won't have enough energy if you fail to eat a proper diet because all you eat is noodles in salt water!" **

"I AM NOT SMALL YOU STUPID FOX! And ramen CAN be healthy! It's got vegetables doesn't it! And it does NOT smell bad!"

"**To you maybe, but my nose is a hundred times more sensitive than yours you foolish human. And vegetables lose half of their vitamins and nutrients after being cooked. THE RAMEN HAS GOT TO GO!" **

"And what if I don't WANT to let it go, huh? Not much you can do behind those bars." Naruto smirked victoriously.

But he frowned slightly when the fox started…Laughing of all things. He'd finally won this time right? He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. What was that stupid fuzz ball up to now? "And what is so funny?"

Kyuubi looked up with a mischievous gleam in his eyes and his mouth stretched into a wide fox grin. **"You leave me no choice kit but to resort to my **_**other**_** option. After all, I could use some **_**company**_** down here." **

"And what do you mean by that? There's not way I'm staying here with you!"

"**You misunderstand kit; I could get your diet to change if you **_**suddenly**_** couldn't eat it any more." **

"I'll never stop eating ramen!"

"**What you fail to realize is that you won't have a choice in the matter. I hear pregnant woman get the cravings for odd foods and suddenly get nauseous at other certain foods, and at this point I'll settle for anything other than those vile noodles. And like I said I could use the company down here, even if it's temporary." **

"Keh! Stupid fox, if you don't remember I'm a GUY! And unless I suddenly turn into a seahorse, you ain't getting any company down here besides me!"

"**You have my chakra, do you not? You could stay in that Orioke no Jutsu form of yours since you would have an unlimited chakra supply from me." **

"You're forgetting something though, that would mean I'd have to sleep with a guy! Which won't be happening."

"**This can be fixed too, I've seen the Uchiha giving you significant looks which you choose to ignore. He'd make a fine mate and isn't one of his goals to restore that clan of his?" **

Naruto blushed heavily at this, before regaining his wits. "Sasuke wouldn't even consider that! Besides, I'll kick his ass if he even tries!"

"**One word kit: Pheromones." **

"What?"

Kyuubi sighed dramatically. **"Pheromones are-" **

"I know what they are!" Naruto screamed his cheeks becoming even redder than before.

"**Then you'll know how persistent people can be under its influence. Using my chakra to create them wouldn't be too difficult; you'd have the Uchiha jumping you in no time at all!" **

Naruto suddenly paled, "You wouldn't."

"**Oh, but I would. You forget I'm a DEMON. I don't give a damn about the consequences of getting what I want. And what I want is that smell gone! Even if it's for a short period such as nine months! So what's it going to be? Reduce your ramen eating habits or you and the Uchiha are going to make like bunnies!" **

"FINE! I'll lay back on the ramen! Just no mini Sasuke's please!"

"**So you promise to keep of the ramen until I say so?" **

"Yes." Naruto said gloomily.

"**Then go to it! Get some red meat down here and quick! I miss the smell of a fresh hunt!" **

The blond haired male turned on his heel and walked from the fox's den back to the world of the living. All the while grumbling about "Manipulative fox bastards."

The great fox smirked in glee.

The Great and Powerful Kyuubi: 1

The Human: 0

* * *

But oh no, it gets better.

* * *

Sasuke looked over at his long time friend in concern. His heart wasn't into sparring today. In fact, Naruto seemed rather pale and his left eye kept twitching. Figuring a good bowl of ramen at Ichiraku would bring his friend out of the funk he'd gotten himself into he turned towards the blond and snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"Oi! Dobe, what's up with you today?"

Snapping his head up Naruto scowled at his dark haired friend. "Nothing and don't call me dobe, teme!"

"Then how about we stop by Ichiraku's for ra-"

"**NO**- I mean, sorry Sasuke but I just don't have the time! Uh, hehe, um gotta run!" Naruto held his hands up innocently and scooted away before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

This left the last living Uchiha blinking. There was something wrong with his dobe and he knew it. But then again he'd given up on trying to understand the blond's reasoning ages ago and he wasn't going to start again now.

But the sudden reaction to ramen still didn't explain the constant terrified mumbling of "Mini-Sasuke's…"

* * *

**  
**

**IT'S OVER!**

LBH: …/Head flops down on desk/ OW! Fuck, that hurt…Sorry I get cranky when I type late at night but I get the best inspiration at this time of night. Meh, review, flame, cackle madly, I just don't care anymore. Though good reviews would make this terrible headache go away…/Falls back asleep/

(1) No idea what those shinobi sandals are called. My friend got a pair with an official Sakura Outfit though, and they are wicked comfy.

R/R


End file.
